I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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