Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
