I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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