You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
