Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
