i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
