gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
40s are totally the cure
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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