If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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