Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
