My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize