Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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