I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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