Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
