It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
