I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
