i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
