I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
