The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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