I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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