I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All the doctor said was why
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
