dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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