9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
