Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
