I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I want a musical about memes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
