Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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