The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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