PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
