i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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