yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
