i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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