I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
