It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
