This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
