Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So vagazzling was a success
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
