she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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