have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
