Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
