I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
