Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
