maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
