I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize