I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize