I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
