then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
