Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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