If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
