I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
