I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
