I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
