How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
