I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
