Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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