I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
