Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
