Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
