no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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