you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
