Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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