Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
