He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
