you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
