is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
