I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wear drunk well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
