i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
