i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
